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Hey Sleepyheads: Let’s Fix Your Love-Hate Relationship with Your Bed!

  • Writer: Anissa Bell, LMFT
    Anissa Bell, LMFT
  • 6 days ago
  • 3 min read
Cozy bedroom with unmade bed, sunlight streaming through sheer curtains. Ornate mirror above fireplace, wooden floor, tranquil mood.

So, what comes to mind when you think of your bed? Is it a place of comfort? Or is it a place of anxiety? If you’re the latter, don’t worry you’re not alone. In fact, your bed has likely become a place that no longer has a clear purpose—sleep! You know how your dog starts to drool when they can hear you rustling that bag of treats? There is a conditioned response to a specific stimulus. Well, our brains work in a similar way. For dogs, rustling bag (stimulus) = drool (conditioned response). For humans, we want bed (stimulus) = sleep (conditioned response). When we're spending too much time doing anything but sleeping in bed, it can send our brain some pretty mixed messages. Let's take a look at exactly what's happening and how we can sort of fix it!


From Sleep Sanctuary to Think Tank: What Went Wrong?

Have you ever laid awake in bed, contemplating various hypothetical situations? Maybe checked your phone for the 100th time, flipped over the pillow to the cool side, and wondered why the universe accidentally hit the "chaos" button.

The thing is, when you lay awake in bed for hours, your brain starts to think of your bed as the place where you lay awake and think about life. You start to train your brain to lay awake in bed, rather than training your brain to fall asleep in bed.


Resetting the Signal: Train Your Brain to Sleep in Bed Again

The key is to take advantage of stimulus control (thoughtful learning) to reset your sleep. Here are some tips to do it:

  1. Keep it simple, sleepy! - Your bed is for sleeping and... well, one other adult activity. That's it! No makeshift office, no dinner table, no Netflix binge spot.

  2. If you can't sleep, bounce - Okay, so if you've been lying there for 15-20 minutes staring at the ceiling, it's probably time to get out of there and do something boring.

  3. Only go to sleep when you are actually sleepy - Now this one is pretty self-explanatory. You know, when you start to feel those heaveeee eyelids, can't-keep-your-head-off-the-pillow moments.

  4. Rise and shine at the same time - Even on weekends! (I know, I know, but trust me on this one.)


Your Phone: The Ultimate Sleep Disruptor

Let's talk about your beloved devices (yes, the one you're probably reading this on). They're like that friend who always wants to party when you're trying to wind down. Every time you bring your phone to bed, it's like inviting a tiny party machine into your sleep sanctuary!Think about it - between work emails that make your blood pressure spike, social media drama, and those "just one more video" rabbit holes, your phone is basically screaming "WAKE UP!" at your brain. Plus, that blue light is telling your body "Good morning!" at 11 PM. Not cool, phone. Not cool.


Get Back To A Healthy Relationship With Your Bed

Don't worry if your bed feels more like a work zone than a zen zone right now - we can fix this! Here's your game plan:

  • Create a chill bedtime routine - Something like light stretching, reading a boring book, or working on your meditation face.

  • Keep the excitement outside - No more responding to work emails from under the covers (your boss can wait until morning).

  • Wait for the sleepy signals - Only climb into bed when you're actually ready to snooze.

  • When sleep's playing hard to get, move on - If you can't sleep, get up and do something boring until your eyelids start getting heavy.


Be patient with yourself—this is a process, not a quick fix. But every time you get out of bed when you’re not sleepy, or turn off your phone instead of scrolling, you’re sending a powerful message to your brain: this is where rest happens. You’re building a new sleep story!


 

For more tips and mental health support, and online therapy sessions visit www.sandiego-therapy.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if online therapy is right for you (currently not offering in person therapy). Providing online therapy throughout California. Click HERE for more information about online therapy and therapy costs.

 

 

 

 

 

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Anissa Bell, LMFT

(858) 400-4646

Offering online therapy services throughout California

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